My Ectopic Pregnancy

So at 6 weeks pregnant, on October 15th 2011, I began to bleed - probably best described as mild spotting. I freaked out. It was the morning of my cousin's wedding and I just didn't know what to do - at this point I hadn't informed my doctor of my pregnancy so I had no information/no previous pregnancies to compare my experience to.
So I resorted to what the world resorts to: Google.

Looking back, 3 months on, Google-ing was not the best idea I've ever had. My tears would not stop.

Pulling myself together, I got ready for my cousin's wedding and as you can imagine, neither myself nor Matt (hubby) were in the mood for a wedding. But we managed the day and infact, had a lovely day with family and friends.

On October 17th I made a call to the local EPU (early pregnancy unit) and they booked me in for a scan on the 21st - during this time I continued to bleed, it gradually became heavier and my hopes diminished.

I had an ultrasound and a transvaginal scan which confirmed an ectopic pregnancy. Because it had been caught early, and my beta hcg levels were relatively low, I was booked in for a dose of methotrexate - a chemotherapy drug which induces misscarriage. I really struggled with the fact that the miscarriage was induced through choice - I know that the pregnancy was not viable (it was in my left fallopian tube) yet I can't seem to shift the guilt of officially ending the little life inside of me.

For those of you going through a similar situation, perhaps waiting for your shot of methotrexate, I thought I'd quickly go through what that was like as I know I got myself into a MASSIVE panic and didn't really have alot of information on what to expect. So, unfortunately, I had to go to the cancer ward of my local hospital to have the injections - I don't know if this is the same everywhere but where I am, it had to be given by a nurse specifically trained in chemo-drugs. Now, with a phobia of needles, I was terrified at what was coming - 2 injections, one in each side of my lower back/upper buttock. But let me reassure you - it was not bad at all, in fact, my first words after the first injection were, 'was that it?!'. There is a slight burning/stinging sensation about 10 seconds after the injection but that is all - and even that was nothing to be scared by.

My hcg levels went back down to <5 in 13 days and I was then officially no longer pregnant.

I was then told not to ttc for atleast 3 months - reason being that methotrexate strips your body of vitamins including folic acid - reduced levels of these can cause birth defects.

So that was my ectopic pregnancy - I've left out ALOT of details. Infact I would just like to add that I went through every emotion under the sun during October/November - anger was probably the one that stands out to me the most.

I'm writing this blog 3 months after my ordeal - if I had written it during the actual time, believe me, it would have been alot different - but I've come out the other side with a hopeful outlook for 2012.