Oh gosh...14+3...this is going fast!

Oh deary, deary me...I haven't posted since 9 weeks?! I can't even believe that - that has totally proven to me just how quickly this is going!!

Wow, ok...so alot has happened in these last 5 weeks...

My sickness/nausea got pretty bad and stayed that way until about 11 weeks and then I had a bit of a break. It returned again but has been much, much milder and easier to deal with.

At 12+5 I had my ultrasound - I was so incredibly nervous but bubbling with excitment at the same time. And it turned out to be simply amazing - I was in awe of this little person inside of me, dancing around, throwing their arms around, opening their mouth...it was incredible. All my measurements were perfect and I am currently wating for the results of the Down Syndrome blood test but going by the nuchal fold (I think that's what it's called?) everything seems to be ok. I won't get my results until my next midwife appointment (14th May) unless the results are concerning...if they were, I'm sure I would have heard by now...

I can't remember if I've already mentioned this, but I am a total needle-phobic - it's so embarrasing. Each time I've been in for blood draws I can just imagine what's going through their minds 'Can't handle a needle? How the heck are you gonna handle birth?!' But in all honesty, the thought of birth doesn't terrify me as much as the thought of needles...but maybe this will change as my due date draws closer...lol!

My 20 week scan is all booked for June 7th...can't wait for this as we will hopefully find out bubba's gender...although we are pretty convinced we know. Let me show you the photo from our 12 week scan...all you nub theorists will understand why I'm pretty certain what colour our bundle is:



Ahh, I could stare at that little pic all day :-)

So I think I've covered all the important bits...

Love and Hugs xo

Pregnancy week 6/7

Vomit.
Puke.
Sick.
Scan.
Vomit.
Puke.
Sick.

I could probably end this post right now as the above sums up my week perfectly. But I won't, 'coz I know you want the details - no carrot, just bile. Hahaha, I'm joking. Am I?

Let me start with the scan - the highlight of my week/life.
Because of my history I was told that any future pregnancies would be monitored from as early as possible, so I was able to self refer to my local EPAU and book an early scan at 7 weeks.
It was AMAZING - overwhelming.
Obviously it was still very early so we weren't able to see any more than a 'blob' but that blob was our baby, our son or daughter, and we got to see the little flickering of their heartbeat - priceless.
Everything looks very good, bubba measured in at 6.6mm and the sac/pole looked normal. The sonographer did note that I had a trace of free fluid in my POD - but I've been told that this is nothing to worry about.
Oh AND the baby measured at 6w+4 :-)

I'm so in love, SO in love.


Okay, so on to my symptoms. For those that follow me on YouTube, you will know that I had been wishing, yes WISHING, that I would experience morning sickness. Reason being that I thought it would reassure me that the pregnancy was viable and that my hormone levels were good.
My wish came true. Yay?
I didn't actually realise that morning sickness would mean physical sickness, everyday. I thought it would just reveal itself in the form of nausea, nothing more. Wrong!
Yes, my head has been down the toilet a couple of times a day since Sunday - not pretty. But I wished for it.

I have also gone completely off fruit. Which is such a bummer as I normally love fruit. At first I thought I must have just picked a bad batch of grapes, then perhaps my banana wasn't quite ripe - but when I failed to enjoy strawberries I knew that was it - my tastebuds were no longer going to allow me to enjoy fruit :-(

Well, that's everything significant for this week I think.
Thanks for your support <3

Panic Over: For Now...

Phew! I can breathe again...

This morning I watched a new TTC vlog posted by someone that I subscribe to. It was titled something like 'why I hate digital tests'. The title puzzled me as I LOVE digital tests - they give you a clear answer: Pregnant or Not Pregnant. To make matters worse, the vlog was about my favourite brand: ClearBlue - even more puzzled...until I had finished watching.

This particular lady, like me, had an ectopic pregnancy last year. At the beginning of this year she was convinced that she was pregnant as she was experience many of the symptoms she had felt in her previous pregnancy. So she took a test; a ClearBlue Digital. 'Pregnant'. Obviously she was overjoyed, told her partner and booked in to have her beta levels checked. Her beta levels came back at 0. ?????

A week later, she took another test and again it came back as 'Pregnant'. She showed this to her Dr but yet again her beta came back at 0. She had gotten TWO false positives from her HPTs.

After watching this I decided to research it - by research I clearly mean I asked Google. I was shocked by how many other people had experienced the same! I was SO worried as I had gotten my positive from the brand that everyone was now saying not to trust.

Fortunately for me there is a Pregnancy Crisis Centre in the same block that I work in that my friend heads up. She gave me a free test, just a cheapy one.

Positive.

Praise the Lordy Lord!!

My heart really goes out to the people that receive false positives though - especially after trying for so long and even more so after experiencing a loss. To be given false hope; a false joy - that's not fair. Apparantly, these digital tests pick up all sorts of hormones during ovualtion and even around AF which can potentially result in these false positives. Shocking really.

Best Birthday Present EVER!

Today:
Is my birthday!!
I'm officially 23 years old
I'm off work to celebrate the day with hubby!
&
&
&
&
WE ONLY WENT AND GOT OUR BFP!!!! Oh my life...my hands are shaking.

I'm so so happy right now, never in a million years did I think, after 14 months TTC and an ectopic pregnancy, that the first cycle since our forced break would result in the news we've been praying so hard for.

Wow.
Overwhelmed would be an understatment right now, for sure.

I just really need to say; I know that sometimes reading these announcements can make some people's hearts sink - just a little bit. I know mine used to. And I totally understand why. And I honestly am praying for those that I have connected with that your time will come - SOON!! Love you guys - thank you so much for the support you have given me in such a short space of time.

Now to open the rest of my presents....!!

Pregnant Friends

I'm happy for you, I honestly am. I support you and will continue to do so. But I'm begging you, please remember the heartache that I went through - it's still raw, it still hurts, I still find myself saying 'what if'. But yes, of course, I'm happy for you.

OK, so I spent most of the weekend with a friend that found out she was expecting 2 weeks after I did - difference being, she's still expecting, and me, well - I'm not. What I can't get my head around is how she seems to have forgotten already what I've been through - dragging me into baby shops, shoving scan photos in my face all the while my head is screaming, 'this should be me! I should be the one gawking over my scan photos!' Yet I can't bring myself to interrupt the happiness my friend is experiencing - I don't want to tell her that her over-the-top-baby-this-baby-that attitude is sending stabbing pains to my heart.

I closed the door behind her and cried.
And continued to cry. The first time in a month or so, and I obviously needed it.

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This journey, I can't describe it in any other way than a rollercoaster. And you know what, I reckon I'm on this rollercoaster for life, I think we all are. Life is full of highs and has it's lows, that's just the way it goes.

It will be our turn one day...soon.