I'm happy for you, I honestly am. I support you and will continue to do so. But I'm begging you, please remember the heartache that I went through - it's still raw, it still hurts, I still find myself saying 'what if'. But yes, of course, I'm happy for you.
OK, so I spent most of the weekend with a friend that found out she was expecting 2 weeks after I did - difference being, she's still expecting, and me, well - I'm not. What I can't get my head around is how she seems to have forgotten already what I've been through - dragging me into baby shops, shoving scan photos in my face all the while my head is screaming, 'this should be me! I should be the one gawking over my scan photos!' Yet I can't bring myself to interrupt the happiness my friend is experiencing - I don't want to tell her that her over-the-top-baby-this-baby-that attitude is sending stabbing pains to my heart.
I closed the door behind her and cried.
And continued to cry. The first time in a month or so, and I obviously needed it.
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This journey, I can't describe it in any other way than a rollercoaster. And you know what, I reckon I'm on this rollercoaster for life, I think we all are. Life is full of highs and has it's lows, that's just the way it goes.
It will be our turn one day...soon.
Wednesday 25 January 2012
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2 comments:
I know some of what you're feeling. I've never miscarried, but we've been trying for what feels like FOREVER. One of my girlfriends got married in December 2011, and told me she was going to start trying for a baby around June 2011. She got pregnant in September 2011 :/
After just 3 months trying, she said, "I can't believe it's taking so long....how do you do this?!" I wanted to punch her in the face! Then when she finally got the positive, her husband had the nerve to bring the test out and shove it in my face! Meanwhile, I've never held a positive HPT in my hands before.....I almost burst into tears right there. It's super tough, but I guess that's life! But soon, it will be us with our positives and we'll be doing happy dances around the shops x
It's so harsh isn't it, I guess the excitement of pregnancy just completely clouds your judgement and you 'forget' that other people have feelings...?! Funny that you say that though, my friend did exactly the same - complained that it took a WHOLE 3 MONTHS to fall pregnant and even said 'I was starting to think that something was wrong' - Aaahhh - I should of slapped her. x
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